#or at least some users are ruthless and hostile

[egberts]

it was funny but not worth going two blogs bacj for. we need to go back to screenshotting tags like civilized bloggers

I thought about screencapping but I have a dramatic fear of adding to a post and being made fun of for it. this site is ruthless and hostile

[nakahras]

᯽ cop car • oda sakunosuke

synopsis • a chronicle telling of your life before having a relationship with odasaku, during your relationship with odasaku and after your relationship with odasaku

warnings • lower case is intentional, canon compliant, mcd, angst, depictions of anxiety/panic attacks, reader has an ability (description below), fem!reader

wc • 2.8k

a/n • odasaku makes me really sad and i just needed you guys to be sad with me ig </3

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

ability • fujyo no kagami/a great example of women: allows the user to apply endless perfect actions to something/someone that’s considered feminine. user can apply this rule to herself as a woman. if applied to something/someone masculine the ability takes on the opposite effect. a rule is applied where every action taken results in failure. user cannot apply this rule to herself.

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

before

you were terrified all the time. like a scared animal overwhelmed by its own mind, you would snap, and you would bite. even while climbing the ranks of an organization like the port mafia, you felt alone. you would never blame anyone else for it though. how could you when you so plainly knew how unapproachable you were.

your face was permanently sketched into a scowl. your attitude was less than savory. your arms always folded across your chest in annoyance. your foot tapping impatiently whenever someone was talking just a little too long for your liking. your bad attitude deterred any chances of connecting with someone.

you were accustomed to it. becoming the port mafia’s assassin made it easy to lurk in the dark. that meant going places most people didn’t like to follow. most being the key word there.

there was one persistent person that fought his way into your life. your bared teeth and unsheathed claws never being a deterrent for him. he was crazy, maybe even had a death wish.

it was the only explanation you had for him never backing down.

you had your fair share of run-ins with other children assassins. this one in particular, though, always stood out amongst the rest. he had burnt umber hair and deep dark blue eyes that seemed to look right through you. oda sakunosuke, at least that’s what he had introduced himself as. after letting you take the kill and bounty money on several occasions. he was a gentleman even at a young age.

you were ruthless though. you would take advantage of his kindness knowing exactly why he was so generous with you. he felt bad, the pity seeped from his pores and clogged your senses. it made you want to be cruel. so you were. you never showed him an ounce of gratitude.

oda sakunosuke never asked for it, he waited patiently for you to be ready.

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

during

he teases you constantly for it. how hostile you used to be. fighting tooth and nail to keep him at arm's length. you would try to stay mad at him for it but when you saw the way his face would light up when he lets out a genuine and hearty laugh you would immediately melt. how could you keep up the facade when he looked so beautiful laughing like that.

it had been quite some time now, since he joined the port mafia. almost 3 years.

you tried to avoid him at first. sure, he was familiar but he was a lower rank than you, there was no reason for him to “accidentally” run into you on most of your missions. he didn’t even kill anymore, so, how did he think he could be helpful? he was of course. he had your back when you were just a little too overwhelmed. eventually you swallowed your pride and showed your appreciation by inviting him out for drinks.

bar lupin. that was the name of the bar oda asked you to meet him at. he said he was bringing a plus one, offering that you could bring someone of your choosing too if you’d like. you felt embarrassed when you had to tell him that you didn’t have anyone to invite. the one person you had was far too young to go to a bar with you. hell, you were almost too young, but you didn’t want to spend today alone. that’s the whole reason you set this up for today specifically.

you walk down the stairs only to be met with…confetti? you draw your face back in shock and blink a few times before you realize it’s oda who just let off a little confetti popper next to you. you don’t even take note of your surroundings and just hone in on him. you give him a look as if he’d just spontaneously grew another head. oda quickly hides the evidence behind his back but it’s clearly too late for that.

“...was that?” he can’t have known what that specific day was, right? there is no way. at least that’s what you told yourself until you heard a distinct voice chime in from across the bar.

“i advised him against it. i’m honestly shocked you didn’t tackle him to the ground for that one.” ango sakaguchi, the top intelligence agent for the port mafia. if anyone knew what today's significance was, it would be him.

you let out a sigh. you’d had a few dealings with ango, so you were somewhat familiar with him. despite his slightly older age, you spoke with him casually. “i suppose this is your doing, sakaguchi?”

“i just thought it made for good conversation. i was right, of course.” ango shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his beverage.

you looked over at oda who had a sheepish look on his face. at least he had the decency to look embarrassed. you thought to yourself. you shake your head but couldn’t help the endearment that rose in your stomach and settled in your chest to spread an unfamiliar warmth. you looked back at oda expectantly, trying your best to bite back a threatening smile.

“well? are you gonna at least say it?” you cross your arms over your chest and raise a brow at the former assassin.

oda lost his voice for a moment, he didn’t think he had ever seen you so… relaxed. it took him a moment but he finally managed to croak out, “happy birthday, precious.”

“just for that stunt you pulled when i walked in, you’re buying me a drink.” you said quickly as you turned around, trying desperately to hide how red your face got all because of a simple pet name. you’ve heard him use them before with others but never directed towards you and never specifically the word precious. you quickly took a seat one stool away from ango, leaving the middle for oda.

a few hours pass and you’re on your 4th drink, not counting the 3 shots oda fed you slyly. ever the gentleman though, he would make sure to take one with you. it was safe to say you were beyond feeling just a little tipsy. your face was hot and tongue felt heavy but that didn’t stop you from arguing with ango over some subject you don’t even remember. ango just had such a disagreeable face when you were this many drinks in.

oda watched with such fondness in his eyes, he had always wanted to see you this relaxed, craved it even. it’s been so long that he’s felt this way about you that he can’t even remember a time he wasn’t infatuated with you. he doesn’t even realize it, but he has this stupid/goofy smile on his face as he watched you attentively. at some point you had moved to the middle stool so your back was to oda. you were so animated that he didn’t even care that he couldn’t see your face right now.

oda is so dazed that you startle him when you whip around and look to him expectantly. he’s taken so off guard that his face twisted into a confused grimace in the most comical way and spits out an eloquent, “heh?”

oda watched as your eyes brightened when you squinted at him. oh. you were smiling widely, the first smile he had ever seen reach your eyes like this. no, you weren’t just smiling, you were laughing. the sound was quite possibly the most beautiful thing oda had ever heard. far better than any music he would ever listen to in his lifetime, he was so sure of it. it was like a siren song and you had ensnared him in it.

after that night, oda was yours. you had successfully trapped him and he had no plans of escaping any time soon.

᯽•᯽

he was yours, that was, until ango betrayed you all and mimic surfaced and oda lost virtually everything in a single moment.

it was early when he came to you. he’d just lost his family, the five children you had begun to see as your own and help him raise had been taken from you far too early. you cried — no, that was an understatement. you wailed from the depths of your soul. life was so unfair. it took quite some time for you to calm down. when you did, you saw the dull, almost lifeless, look in oda’s eyes. of course he had told you the whole story, so immediately you knew where his mind was going.

the panic took root in your chest and spread across your entire body. you felt in your stomach in the form of twists and knots. you felt it in your throat in the form of bile burning your throat, threatening to be released. you felt it in your nervous system in the form of hyperactivity, your limbs shaking uncontrollably. you reached out with trembling fingers and desperately clutched onto the material at oda’s chest.

“no- no, sakunosuke. you can’t- it’s not- i can’t lose you too.” your mind was working too fast for your mouth to catch up. every thought soaring through the forefront of your brain getting lost in translation.

he didn’t look at you, he didn’t say anything. he knew if he looked at you right then and there he would fold, he’d give in and that was just something he couldn’t allow himself to do.

you became more desperate, bringing him closer and shifting your hands to hold his face. “sakunosuke, look at me. you can’t do this. not alone. i won’t ask you to not go but, please, let me go with you.”

“no.” that caught his attention. he looked at you sharply and spoke firmly.

you looked at him with wide and watery eyes. “you can’t go alone. if i go…it’ll be safer if i go. please don’t go alone. i can’t let you go alone.” you weren’t breathing. or maybe you were? it felt as though your lungs weren’t receiving any oxygen. they burned as you gasped for air. everything felt as though you were free falling, the adrenaline from it setting all of your nerves on fire. it was frustrating, you were losing your mind over losing your heart — practically your soul.

after a moment there was a glint of remorse that set in his deep blue eyes. he held you again until you were calm enough to hear him out. “are you able to listen to me?”

“no, i have no interest in anything you have to say to me right now, odasaku. i just want you to stay.” your eyes were pleading with him, voice begging him to just listen to you.

who knew a simple shake of the head could shatter your heart in one blow. “i can’t. i have to do this, precious.”

“don’t. don’t call me that right now. not when you-” you choked on another sob, you had lost count of how many tears you’d shed that morning. “let me go with you then. i could ensure your safety. you don’t have to go alone.”

he didn’t think his own heart could break more than it already had. the desperation that bled into your repeated words proved him wrong. “i have to do this on my own. it has to be done alone. someone has to look over that little punk.”

“dazai will never forgive me if i let you go.” you were grasping at straws, silently praying something would convince oda to not go.

oda sighed and you knew you had already lost. you had no chance of winning this. “maybe not at first, but he will. eventually, he will.”

you’d resorted to sobbing again, you were honestly surprised with yourself, you didn’t think you had this many tears to shed. “just…kiss me one more time. before you go, please.”

and how was he supposed to refuse such a simple final request of him when he was asking the world of you. he held your face gingerly and crashed his lips to yours. the kiss was wet and his lips tasted salty from the mixture of both your tears. he was crying too. he poured everything he had left in his heart out into a single kiss. it lasted exactly 7 seconds before oda was pulling away completely. he doesn’t look back as he pushed himself up. you crumbled completely to the ground and even as oda closed the front door of your home behind him he could hear the heart breaking sobs and wails that tore from your throat.

you didn’t think you would ever have to live without odasaku. the reality of it hit you in an instant. you would be living in it, a world after odasaku and you would continue living in for the rest of your own life.

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

after

it had been 3 days. you were numb all over. your chest ached where your heart used to be. you’re sure it was still there, just laying in small pieces. the service had ended an hour ago but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave.

you heard familiar footsteps approaching you. you didn’t need to look at him to know who it was.

“you shouldn’t be here, traitor.” your voice was flat, no emotion behind it. you couldn’t even bring yourself to sound betrayed.

ango almost winced at how tired you sounded. “i figured you could be found here. i wanted to pay my respects too. despite my actions, i valued his friendship.”

you looked at him sharply. how dare he have the audacity to still call him a friend? how dare he be so bold when you couldn’t even bring yourself to say his name. you’ve tried, but the moment oda slipped out of your arms that day, every moment afterwards you would choke on his name. you were so tired of crying, so you couldn’t bring yourself to try anymore.

“did you do what i asked of you?”

“yes. you know dazai won’t like you following him…”

you let your head fall back and shut your eyes. breathing in the fresh air and enjoying the sea breeze, you almost forgot where you were. standing at oda’s freshly buried grave. “i’m quite aware of his distaste for me.”

“so then why go? why ask me to wipe your slate clean?” ango’s tone is so incredulous, he didn’t understand but you expected as much from him. he had his faults and one of them was his selfishness, something you could never quite get past.

“because he asked me to, it was his last wish of me. he was failed by so many people in life, how could i possibly fail him in death?” the treacherous man opened his mouth as if to argue but you shook your head and cut him off. “that’s a rhetorical question, ango. the answer is: i can’t. i suppose i’ll see you again someday. take care until then. i’ll never forgive you if you die by another's hand…”

with that you seemingly disappeared. there was almost no trace left of you. the only tell that you were still present was the fresh bouquet of flowers appearing at oda’s gravestone every week.

you resurface a year and a half later, finding yourself in front of the armed detective agency. it wasn’t planned. you weren’t supposed to show up in front of their office door for another year. but you happened across a man your age, although he resembled a much younger man. he introduced himself as ranpo and invited you back after requesting your help with a case.

you were welcomed with open arms. you had found a new family. it terrified you.

six months later dazai joined the ada. he was not pleased by your presence but he pretended it didn’t bother him. no one was the wiser. except for you of course. you gave him the space he needed but still looked out for him from a distance. he came around eventually. after all, you were all he had left of odasaku.

he was even there for you when you had a mental break down about falling in love again. you’d promised yourself you would never love another man but the universe had a sick and twisted sense of humor. it wasn’t a man you had fallen head over heals for, it was yosano akiko who had caught your attention. she was patient with you and gave you the space you needed.

you eventually found yourself at his grave stone on a rainy day.

“i met someone. i made good on my promise, it’s not another man. her name is yosano, i think you would have gotten along with her. dazai thinks the world of her. i’m scared… the last time i loved someone this deeply… what do i do?”

as if to give you his blessing, the storm that had been raging for 3 days slows and comes to a complete stop. you let out an incredulous laugh. for the first time in years you utter his name.

“thank you, sakunosuke.”

[earthbovndmisfit]

I hate it when Speedwagon is dismissed as a "useless" character, he's a badass in his own right but he just didn't expect the sudden supernatural stuff. dude got caught in a genre shift and was wrong genre savvy 😭

Fair warning: This is gonna be long. Ngl, whenever I see anyone claiming that Speedwagon "is useless" the only thing that tells me is that these people only skimmed through parts 1 and 2 and are just using the FuNNi MeEmz as reference and are most likely just parroting what they picked up from that.

It's honestly sickening how a big chunk of the jojo fandom still discredits Speedwagon and everything he does from the start, also ignoring a large part of his character/personality in the process (turning him into a "soft uwu pure and innocent blushy scaredy crying boi uwuwuwuw" when in reality he's a ruthless crime lord from the worst and darkest pits of London who the first thing we see him do in canon is try to kill Jonathan), and then reduces him to a "hehe funny meme" without even realizing he's been a key character from the start and who is also one of the most important characters in ALL of the JJBA universe from part 1 to, at the very least, part 6.

But really, just to list some of the many things people seem to love to "forget" Speedwagon did:

He saved Jonathan's life plenty of times throughout all PB. Just to mention a few: -Like when he stops the dozens of deadly criminals who were already in line to kick his ass in Ogre Street (Jonathan was NOT a hamon user yet, so he would have gotten killed shortly after had it not been for Speedwagon ordering his men to leave him alone) -When he unveils Dio's plans and stops Jonathan from getting closer to Dio who was ready to stab him and kill him on the spot. -When he shoots Dio in the face, stopping him once more from killing a frightened and literally petrified Jonathan. -After this whole fight is over, it was Speedwagon who -despite his broken arm, broken ribs and punctured lung- carried a unconscious and heavily injured Jonathan to a hospital (otherwise, he would have died then and there from his many untreated injuries and bleeding wounds if the fire didn't get him first). -The whole "abs scene" where he thaws Zeppeli's arm. People misread the fuck out of the relationship between Zepp and Speedwagon and the hostility there always was between them (I blame the translations for this, as they usually tone things down A LOT and sometimes completely get rid of their mutual mocking and trashtalking) and, as a result, people also misread the fuck out of this scene as well, without realizing that Speedwagon wasn't doing this as an "uwu gay romance moment" with him or to save Zeppeli in particular, but that he was doing this and putting all the trashtalking aside for a moment just to save Jonathan who was about to get squashed like a mosquito by Tarkus and Bruford. Speedwagon was fully aware that he couldn't do anything to save him due to his lack of hamon, but he KNEW that Zeppeli could and was literally the only one who could do it, and so Speedwagon did what he could to save Jonathan's life, even if that meant stepping in for the guy who has been treating him poorly and mocking him for his criminal backgrounds ever since they met (I've mentioned this before but, yeah, this is an inherent trait of Speedwagon when someone he loves is in danger, as we see him do this whole 'side with your rival/enemy for the greater good' again later on in BT as well). -During the aftermath of Jonathan's battle against Dio in Windknight's Lot. Speedwagon, along with Poco, is the first to rush to Jonathan's side when he passes out and falls to the ground. Speedwagon immediately pulls him to his lap, making sure he's okay and that he isn't seriously injured and protecting him, keeping him safe from the remaining zombies that were still left in the chamber and, possibly, the rest of Dio's castle and that Straizo and Tonpetty -being the remaining standing hamon users- were getting rid of.

-

Speedwagon also guided Jonathan to Wang Chen's shop and helped Jona get the antidote he needed to save George. According to what we're told about Wang Chen, he was scummy enough that he most likely wouldn't have given the antidote away easily to Jonathan, meaning that Speedwagon forced him to do it.

That said, Speedwagon also helped Jonathan capture Wang Chen so he could testify against Dio before the authorities (we literally see him holding Wang Chen like trash in the manga lol).

Spw also unveiled Dio's evil nature as well as his real plans and intentions, saving Jonathan's life in the process, as mentioned some points above.

Speedwagon was also Jonathan's confidant from the beginning and viceversa, and this shows up in the way they treat each other as well as the way they address each other (some of which sometimes gets lost in the translations but that I more or less explained in a separate post), as well as in some of the things Jonathan says in some of his inner monologues, and it's also implied in a lot of Speedwagon's and Jonathan's lines and actions. There is even further proof of this in Battle Tendency, as we are told at one point that there were things that Speedwagon and Jonathan knew and shared between them but never with anyone else, not even with Erina.

Speedwagon also gathered and confirmed the information on Dio's whereabouts that the hamon gang needed, saving the whole group some precious time and, as a result, saving innocent lives.

He also provided Jonathan with the experience and heart/emotional support that he needed from the very first moment he joins him and until the very end, and this is implied even in BT, and it has also been confirmed in some of his bios.

He fought AND killed zombies along with Jonathan and Zeppeli despite Spw not having any supernatural powers, using his brute force and a sledgehammer only, further proving that he's pretty good at combat and at using different kinds of weapons (guns, knives, and now sledgehammers, too)

As stated earlier, he also thawed Zepp's frozen arm and "unlocked" the man's hamon so Will could save Jonathan, who was about to get ruthlessly killed by Tarkus and Bruford

He also took care of an injured Poco during the fight in Tarkus' chamber while also ensuring that the kid didn't recklessly step into the battleground again and possibly hindering things

Picking back one of the points mentioned earlier: He took care of a heavily injured (sometimes unconscious, too) Jonathan plenty of times, making sure Jonathan was as safe as possible at all times every time this happened.

Adding to the emotional support point: It was heavily implied that Jonathan and Speedwagon spent a lot of time together before, during AND after the whole (mis)adventure against Dio, meaning that they did a lot of healing and mourning together, especially once everything was over.

And it's also important to add to all this that he never lost his "badass" side, since he kept on fighting fiercely from start to end. He was also foul-mouthed and brash all the time (even if translations often portray him all "posh" and proper for literally no reason??), snapping and biting back every time Zeppeli tried to give him shit and mock him, and so on.

In other words: he remained as fierce and badass as he always was from the beginning, channeling that energy into helping Jonathan and succeeding at it despite his limitations as a regular human with no supernatural powers and proving to be self-sufficient most of the time (and with Jonathan taking care of him every time Speedwagon happened to need some help or someone to heal him).

And all this is covering part 1 only. Part 2 and those 50 years in between parts have their own points as well and, sadly, people too misread that and reduce it all to "all he did to help was toss money endlessly at the Joestars lol" without realizing that he literally raised George and Joseph, for starters. Whether you ship Jonawagon or not, it is an undeniable fact that Speedwagon was literally their 2nd dad, and this is shown in how both kids loved him and saw him as blood-related family, with Joseph even referring to him as "Grandpa Speedwagon" (something that the translations took away and changed to "Uncle Speedwagon" for some reason?? i don't want to say "straightwashing" but it's a possibility) and literally risking his life just to investigate what happened in reality to Speedwagon (who everyone believed was dead at the time) and retrieve his body, shedding tears of genuine joy when he learned that Speedwagon was alive, and doing all this without even waiting a second more for the Foundation. Joseph even says it at some point: Erina and Speebs are his only family. He's a key character in Joseph's life and development, and very likely the source where Joseph learned how to be the loving dad he was to Holy later on, and a loving grandpa to Jotaro as well. Same for George II, even though we don't get to see much about him or his life.

Speedwagon also always looked after those kids (and here we can count Lisa Lisa, Holy too as Speedwagon also got to meet her), as well as after Erina, always providing them with everything they may have needed at any point, especially after the Foundation was created and help could be provided in many many different ways. And this can be attested in part 3, with the Foundation sending special doctors and all the best they had to take care of Holy when she was apparently ill, making sure she would survive, or when they replace Joseph's prosthetic hand, showing that this has always been a thing, even if that sometimes means crossing countries just to aid any of them.

Speedwagon also moved all his influences and used his power (including those nexus he always kept with the crime world) to hide Lisa Lisa from the law and make sure she lived a peaceful life without fearing getting caught by authorities after she'd avenged George's death.

And, of course, there's the massive efforts done by his Foundation to investigate supernatural phenomena and keep the world safe from it, creating special teams and providing weapons and equipment designed specifically for this goal. Also, there's the massive improvements they did in regards to healthcare, technology, as well as the conservation of wildlife around the world, making this planet a better place for everyone.

So yeah. To wrap this up:

Screw that shitty take that he's "useless" or that he "only threw money at the Joestars". Same with the "pure innocent soft blushy scaredy crying boi uwuwuw".

[femsolid]

"Almost all incels take as their starting point the idea of a feminist conspiracy and a deeply rigged sexual marketplace that is hostile to men. However, they divide into factions when it comes to deciding on the best solution to this situation. Some believe that it is possible to overcome their celibacy (‘ascend’), or at least improve their situation, by working furiously to better their appearance. This is commonly known within the community as ‘looksmaxing’, and the practice has spawned enormous forums dedicated to sharing tips on how best to go about it. Websites reveal threads, thousands of messages long, in which men post their own photographs and plaintively ask one another for ‘ratings’ out of ten, begging for advice on how to make the best of their looks, or asking: ‘Is it over?’ The responses are a curious amalgamation of brutal honesty, ruthless mockery and sympathetic support. They range from brotherly pep talks and grooming advice to cutting insults and recommendations to give up altogether.

One large subset of this community focuses on physical exercise as a way of boosting their looks (men who pursue this option are known as ‘gymcels’), but there are also more extreme trends, with significant numbers of adherents, that promote everything from ‘mewing’ (a kind of jaw exercise incels believe will change the bone structure of their faces, leading to more attractive jawlines) to plastic surgery, skull implants and penis stretching.

Another group of incels (by far the largest of all, comprising around 90 per cent of the community, if one forum’s internal survey is to be trusted) commonly refer to themselves as ‘blackpillers’ or ‘blackpills’. This group takes a more defeatist view, believing that the social and genetic lottery is so rigidly fixed that their inherent flaws doom them to a life of utter failure and celibacy that no attempt at self-improvement could possibly alleviate. These groups resort to railing violently against the unfairness of non-incel society (people they call ‘normies’), the selfishness of the most attractive men (‘Chads’), the superficiality of beautiful women (‘Stacys’), and the promiscuity of less attractive women who are still able to attract sexual partners (‘Beckys’). These men often discuss suicide at great length, tagging their posts to denote material that is likely to encourage readers to take their own lives. They use specific terms as shorthand for suicide, and often egg each other on to do it. These are clearly, in many cases, men in desperate need of help.

When one forum user posts on an incel forum asking for the ‘best place to shoot yourself to guarantee lethality’, there are around seventy responses, the vast majority urging him on and giving cold, technical advice. Perhaps most disturbing of all are the frequent posts in which violent misogyny explodes off the page, from graphic fantasies about raping and murdering women to threads in which forum users goad each other to carry out the ‘incel rebellion’, ‘beta uprising’ or ‘day of retribution’ – a sick fantasy in which involuntarily celibate men would punish the world by carrying out bloody massacres of the women who torment them and the Chads who unfairly monopolise he ‘sexual marketplace’. ‘All females deserve our utter hatred,’ writes one user. Incel logic seems to reveal a hopeless contradiction: women are simultaneously reviled for sleeping with men and for refusing to do so. One user, for example, describes women as ‘greedy selfish evil crazed sluts, who prevent decent hard working men, from achieving their biological purpose’. But things become clearer when viewed through the lens of the most basic incel belief. At its simplest, the argument goes like this: if women’s sexual autonomy has given them wicked and tyrannical control over men’s lives, then women’s liberation is at the root of all male suffering. Therefore, the obvious remedy is to remove women’s freedom and independence, and to use specifically sexual means (like rape and sexual slavery) to do so. In other words, the problem is not women having sex, but women having the choice of whom to have sex with." Laura Bates, Men Who Hate Women

[kyousei-archive]

unmasked

    A headcanon as to what Kakuzu’s life was before recruitment into the Akatsuki. Please keep in mind this background will heavily influence my interpretation of Kakuzu’s character and make personal relationships with him more than just difficult!

    Tanned skin, dark eyes. Brunette. She was tiny, at least in comparison to him. Unassuming and normal all things considered.

    – But, god, she was beautiful.

    Perhaps it was her smile that had captured him at first, or that even, tranquil personality that had tamed the most fearsome temperament in all of Takigakure. He’d been young then, a mere Chuunin destined for great things – headed for the Council to bring their country to peace. However, seeing how easily that man could fly into a fit of rage… any sort of idea like that would be a long time coming.

    His former squad had all been killed and friends had been hard to come by. Takigakure was poor, horribly so. Even their most capable warriors, their Elders and Council members – they could only grasp for anything to keep them afloat, often resorting to testing their own morals in order to survive. Family killing family, friends turning against friends. It wasn’t capable of fazing him any longer. His own mother and father had been swiped clean off the face of the earth, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t deal with.

    Perhaps that had been why he had always seen himself more as a Doton user, instead of the affinity for water that he was in possession of. Stone was hard, immovable. It was like him. Cold one moment and burning like magma the next. Kakuzu wasn’t water. He wasn’t tranquil or beautiful. In fact, he was rather scarred and gruff looking.

    It had always been like that. He’d been given a strong jaw from his father, broad shoulders and a built chest. Though it had always been his eyes that had scared people off the quickest. It hadn’t been his quick temper or his appearance, no… His eyes were unique in Taki, mint and maroon and harsh. It wasn’t rare for a single glance to send others running.

    Not her. Certainly not her.

    The library, as strange as it sounded, had always been a place of peace for the Chuunin. He could read and learn about the history of his village, about the beastly Choumei that had once plagued this land. It was relaxing, a welcomed silence from the blood and gore he had been forced to endure day after day protecting his village.

    Though there had been one time his peace had undoubtedly turned on its head… A quiet day, just like any other, that those strange eyes had taken advantage of by drinking in information from dusty scrolls and thick manuscripts.

    “They’re pretty.”

    He’d jolted, not expecting a voice from someone he hadn’t sensed approached. Eyes had blinked once, twice, three times upon sitting fully upright, and his upper body turned toward the visitor that had interrupted his silence. Kiyomi. He would have never guessed exactly what the future would hold for them back then. At the time, he’d simply thought of it as an annoyance.

    Kakuzu was silent, tanned lips pulling into a small frown as brows knit beneath his headband. What had she been talking about..?

    “Your eyes, I mean. I’ve never seen anything like them.”

    Maybe it was then that she’d completely captured his attention, especially after that miniscule smile that had accompanied her words. Kiyomi was a civilian nowhere near any sort of match for the shinobi, but still brave enough to approach him in his time of solace. – Or maybe she didn’t know. He hadn’t been certain at the time which he would have liked better. Nor would he really ever be certain.

    Everything had seemed like such a blur from there. They’d gotten closer, able to call each other friends, and closer still. His temper that had once been known throughout all of Takigakure had all but vanished. Kakuzu had been well-mannered, irritable, but still capable of reeling in the beast that had once constituted his personality. If only for her.

    He could have broken her without a second thought, as he had done to many in the past who had gone against him. And yet... he didn’t. She had made him happy – an emotion that few hidden among the waterfalls could say they had truly experienced.

    Kakuzu had been able to make due supporting two. Extra missions here and there to make up for what she couldn’t had been enough then. He’d been thankful for the minor increase in salary with his promotion to Jounin. There had been one moment, though, that had sent his world to a screeching halt.

    “I’m pregnant.”

    He’d almost spat out his drink with the sudden information, eyes immediately falling to her stomach. Kiyomi’s belly had looked fine; there was no swell beneath her clothing, nothing at all that could have said that she was carrying a life inside of her. “—Shit.”

    She had laughed at his reaction, had told him not to worry. He listened, saving every last scrap of worth that he had come into contact with for the next nine months. A family of three was a number that he could handle, which he did for quite some time. She had given him a little girl, a bundled gift that was the striking image of her mother. Thankfully. They named her Kishiko.

    Four, however, was a number that weighed heavily on his shoulders. Again they were graced with one more addition to the family, a stocky boy named Hayase that seemed a combination of his parents. He had his mother’s eyes.

    Mission after mission after mission had run the Jounin dry. Every spark of energy had been given to keep his small corner of the world afloat, but still he could call himself happy. They were content with what they had and grateful for every moment that Kakuzu was able to spend at home. Stress had given the shinobi a harsher stare and a perpetual frown. But still, she loved him.

    There had been a single request from Takigakure’s finest warrior to the Village Council: to keep the stress of his work away from his family. They had listened for the most part, that is… Until the group of four had visited the small home on the outskirts of the village.

                                                   We have an assignment for you.

    The knock on the door had been unexpected, even somewhat strange. Visitors to the household were all but nonexistent; no one dared to traverse this far out of the village simply to meet the one person who wouldn’t give them a welcome. His temper had changed, yes, but the way he acted in the face of annoyances was a different story. Kakuzu remained hostile to all that did not reside in his home, presenting a silent anger to all those he stood against. There had always seemed an air about him that churned and roared silently to itself, storming against the impending battles that were sure to come.

    Until those eyes she had commented on all those years ago fell back to her. That typhoon fell into a quiet breeze that simply rippled against his thoughts. – Like water. It had been her and those brats that had turned the stone to liquid, like alchemists trying to turn granite to gold, only to fail and end up with mud.

    Door having been thrown open, the last people that the Jounin had any expectation of visiting had interrupted him, had come to his home with the explicit request to stay away. How arrogant those fools were, hiding behind their masks as if their military status gave them any real power. He could have ripped them all in half before they could blink.

                                                  “We have an assignment for you.”

    An assignment, Kakuzu soon realized, that would change the entirety of Takigakure forever if it was successful. It would have put his name in the history books that he adored and lost himself in. The killer of the first Hokage: Senju Hashirama.

    The world was at war with one another and the surrounding waterfalls appeared to be in the center of it. Borders had been held firm against the Great Nations attempting to take Takigakure for its own, a massive feat for such a small and poor country. It was only logical to remove the biggest obstacle in the way of the Council’s goals. If Konoha fell due to the actions of their strongest Jounin, reason stated that the Shinobi War would crumble and the Five Great Elemental Nations along with it.

   No one would see the spec of a country rising to power in their calculations. The balance would be shifted.

    It could end.

    Promises had been made to the Jounin as his assignment had been laid out for him. His family would be kept safe and out of harm’s way and the funds that he so desperately needed to keep them stable would be given without further question. They already knew what he wanted out of this and had dangled it in front of him like a carrot to a starving horse. It would benefit not only himself, but the livelihood of those he held so dear in ways that he would not be able to do for them otherwise. There had been only a small moment’s thought before Kakuzu accepted.

    Kiyomi begged him not to.

    It would only be later that the understanding of what he had to overcome in order to complete his mission would dawn on Kakuzu’s shoulders. This was a gamble he was nowhere near powerful enough to partake in, a gamble he’d been unknowingly led into with honey-laced words and ideals of grandeur.

    – And so he left.

    Senju Hashirama was a powerful leader of his country, stronger than even that of the famed Uchiha Madara. To be the master of two opposing forces, of both the ground and the sea… It took control and precision that would have been incomprehensible to someone that had only heard of the great Hokage. It was Kakuzu himself that had been forced to endure it.

    Defeat had only been expected, but the remainder of his life… That was something that had not been put into his calculations. Takigakure was strict and ruthless; every shinobi of the village knew that without a doubt. He had expected humiliation and being stripped of his title. Exile and public execution were not out of the question either.

    It had been the imprisonment of his family, of his wife and children that had taken him off guard. News of his failure had rippled through the village like water drops from the countless falls that dotted through the village before he had even returned. He had discovered his home burned to the ground, belongings lost to the flame as injuries that covered his body turned tanned skin a dirty crimson.

         They were safe.

                   They had to be.

    The beginning stages of panic and anger began to set in, energy drained limbs having blood stained fingers curled into tight fists. He had begun to tremble with a rage that hadn’t been allowed to let loose in years, lips pulling into a tight line and brows furrowing. Chakra was already dangerously low, yet as the silent orders from the Council were brought into effect Kakuzu was still capable of fighting off many of those Jounin he had once considered allies.

    Bones cracked and blood stained the grass on his feet, yells of fury overtaking the clearing as his vision turned red.

         They were safe.

                   They were safe.

                           They were safe.

    The constant reminder, no matter how small of a shred of hope it had been, wasn’t enough to pull him into a state of control. He fought and fought until eyes began to blur, movements becoming sluggish as exhaustion began to catch up with his body and mind.

    Having been overpowered at last, he had no choice but to be forced into a state of submission; head bowed to the ground and arms twisted behind him. Kakuzu found his chest heaving for air, heart pounding against his rib cage at even the mere prospect of the three most important people in his life being harmed because of his failure.

    The Takigakure prison was where those traitors were kept, cuffed and kept in cells like animals to await their fate. He was no different, guards standing on either side of the expanse of bars that kept him contained in the small area he was allowed. How pathetic…

    – But he needed to remain in control. For them.

    It smelled of sins and traitors in there, an indescribable smell that burned at his senses and tore at the guilt buried deep in his gut. He had been too weak to follow through with his orders and the consequences had been accepted. Marks of traitors were tattooed into his forearms, four bands that he had found himself counting until his time was up.

    Only the promise of their safety, the thought of them smiling had kept the beast of Takigakure at bay – for now. His eyes had sunken in after days of neglect, head bowed forward with locks of dirty brown obscuring his features. Hands had been secured behind his back but no attempt to escape from them had been made. He had merely sat, quietly, for hours upon hours. Reactions had tried to be pulled from him time and time again by the guards poking and prodding him with humiliating words, yet only a deep growl had been heard from the monster.

    Three days had passed before he had moved, head lifting slowly with the instinct that something was wrong. Something was incredibly wrong. The guards had been talking among themselves as if their prisoner couldn’t hear, complaining about a public execution that they would miss. A woman. Two children; a boy and a girl.

    He had felt his heart drop into his gut, denial washing through his nervous system in a flood. – But he knew. Those in association with traitors would be treated as traitors. Kakuzu’s wife and children would be murdered in cold blood in front of their village – the village that he had been loyal to and followed without question. Until now. No longer would he allow himself to be seen as a shinobi from this village.

    The Council would no longer dangle promises of safety and prosperity in front of him. Their hearts would be in his hands.

    It had started as a quiet fury, the waves of chakra pouring from his body like water from the falls having stunned the guards into silence. It grew swiftly, the red returning to his vision that he hadn’t truly seen in many years. The village had forgotten how fearsome their most powerful warrior could be when enraged beyond control; they would soon be reminded why they had feared him in the beginning.

    Had that sound been him? It couldn’t have been. The noise that reached his ears must have been made by that of a monster, a terrifying roar that shuddered through him, trembling against the walls of his jail cell and into the very cores of those who were assigned to guard him. The memories of what had happened next would never truly be remembered in full detail; the fury that bubbled through his veins had blocked his senses in full.

    There had been faint flashes of crimson, the scent of blood mingling through the air as each and every occupant of that prison had been ripped to pieces -- guards and their charges alike. He remembered the sounds of bones cracking, of stone crumbling under the force of his hands and the screams of those who begged for their lives. What right did they have to survive? This village had taken everything from him; they had taken his past, his present and his future in a single moment of trying to prove their superiority over the rest.

    His hands had been stained red before the prison fell silent of the carnage, trembling breaths from his remaining anger the only sound heard.

    But he could not stop. He ran until his muscles burned, every muscle aching in his body until Kakuzu’s only energy was a will to continue. Yet as the executioner’s clearing came into view all his eyes could focus on were shapes his mind refused to correlate to his family.

    Bodies, three of them. Blood, pooled and saturated into the ground.

    Kakuzu’s knees buckled underneath him.

    Not a sound broke through the clearing. Silence buzzed in his ears until the noise felt like it began reverberating into his limbs, and finally into his chest.

    The sun had long since fallen before he could rise.

    The village had taken everything from him, so he would take everything from them. Only the most highly regarded shinobi of this country knew of their most prized technique; it was forbidden and dangerous. Kakuzu had read about it once, of the fearsome power of stealing the hearts of enemies to take their chakra and prolong a lifespan.

     What a fitting end it would be for those fools. Those fools that had thought a warrior with everything to lose would be weak once it was lost.

     No, they would discover that a warrior who had lost everything would sooner cut his own throat than lay down and accept that fate.

     He didn’t care about the blood that had caked his clothes or his skin; his only goal was finding that scroll. The secret archives were no more secret than they were well-guarded. It seemed only the fear of discovery was what had kept thieves at bay, but his goal was clear. Whomever had found enough bravery within them to step before this monstrous beast was disposed of without a thought.

    What he had not expected, however, was the pain. There was no wonder in Kakuzu’s mind why this was classified as a forbidden technique. The agony that had ripped through every muscle fiber was not of a normal scale. Only those with enough will in their bones and strength in their mind would be able to endure it.

    Skin had been forced away from underlying flesh, torn and sewn back together by black tendrils that seemed to have a mind of their own. Muscle was gouged and replaced with the living threads to act as tendons and nerves. They had fully incorporated themselves into his body, leaving him weak and suffering both mentally and physically.

    What would she have thought..? Bloody wounds now crossed back and forth against the skin she had loved to trail her fingers over. Kakuzu had become marred and ugly, a monster in every shape and aspect. It was Takigakure’s fault for bringing him to this point, for making him finally snap against their overwhelming rule. Each of them would suffer for their crimes against him, of their tyranny and iron fists.

    He imagined their screams for mercy were the same as hers before her execution, the same as his children’s cries for help as their mother was slaughtered in front of them. These four would receive the same treatment. Four lives had been ruined by these four masked figures, one mask for each of them.

    Still beating hearts had been ripped from their chests, newly acquired tendrils strangling each of the Council members ruthlessly until death itself happily took them into its arms.

    Their hearts would be in his hands.

    He felt no remorse for the poor souls that discovered the carnage the next morning, the sight of their leaders ripped limb from limb until they were hardly recognizable. Their masks had been taken and stitched to the very back of the man that had killed them.

    They would be forced to watch the trail behind the monster they had created.

[ask-jaghatai-khan]

Da Deff-Flash Raidaz

// Homebrew for an Ork Freeboota warband I’ve been thinking up for some time. A distillation of all my favorite things about Orks in Warhammer.

“I’z ridin’ dis high ‘til Ragnarork comes!”

History

In the clustered and chaotic regions of the galactic center, there could be found a hostile dustball world orbiting a red giant. Though in the center of major orkish territory, it was of little interest to most passing overlords, save as an occasional source of boys. Those parts of it not dominated by great desert flatlands were composed of stormy seas, colossal mountains, or the rare and oft-disputed jungle infested with disease and mutated predators. Phalton Prime, or “Kruzbal” to the Orks, had seen many apocalypses, yet its surface was still home to millions of greenskins, most of whom had since devolved into a savage state. These savage orks were often press-ganged for cheap labor by the few but powerful Tek-Tyrants of the wastes, mountains, and seas.

It was on this world of Kruzbal that one unfortunate Freeboota was waylaid, setting of an explosive chain of events. Kaptin Gorn Blast’ead’s space hulk Black Grog, damaged and flying from the Warp after an unknown misfortune, crashed deep in the deserts of the planet’s singular continent. Crawling battered and stranded from the wreckage, and rounding up what few crew he had left, the Kaptin surveyed the forgotten world he’d found himself on. Within hours they were set upon for their trove of scrap and tech by raiders, which Gorn just managed to fight off, earning him the ire of the first of many tyrants on the world.

Requiring more ork-power, Gorn set about conscripting the local tribal greenskins. Though tough and quick to worship the space-bound ork as some manner of demigod, many could not handle the strange wonders of technology he brought with him and quickly went mad. Among this number was a boy by the name of Ur-Kog, though his change was markedly different. Ur-Kog showed a knack for survival, and a level of control over his insanity. Starting off lame, dumb, and runty by ork standards, Ur-Kog nonetheless started climbing the ranks faster than any of Gorn’s new soldiers. His knowledge of the wasteland was of immense help to the Kaptin, and the newly-appointed Nob’s skill with rallying mobs and tinkering with technology completely unknown to him before grew and grew, along with his physical form. Soon, Blast’ead had become a mythical figure to the savage orks of Kruzbal, slaying the Tek-Bosses and gathering a massive WAAAGH! with Ur-Kog as a prominent general. All was almost lost, however, when Gorn was at last laid low by Da Immortul Slagg, greatest of the coastal Raida Tyrants. The WAAAGH! would have been scattered if Ur-Kog hadn’t seized control of the mobs, assaulting Slagg’s fortress and claiming the Warboss’ head, along with final control of the planet.

For all the barren, ransacked wastes that covered Phalton Prime, the world was host to a strange and powerful hidden treasure. Known as “Kwiksilva”, this metal was prized and fiercely fought over by all the greenskins who called the planet home. Found in scrap deposits in many of the deepest and most treacherous ruins of the wastes, kwiksilva was solid and incredibly durable in its base form, to the point it could not be easily “forged” and so was either used for trinkets, or large and unwieldy armor plating. Bluish-silver in color, when exposed to the right alchemical properties, the normally impenetrable metal could be rendered into an unstable semi-liquid state. In this form, the metal had powerful narcotic properties. It could increase healing factors on injection or inhalation, as well as sending the user into a berserker rage, at the cost of severe physical and mental degradation for most all users. Kwiksilva was prized more than gold or iron, and is still one of the few reasons Kaptin Ur-Kog will return to his old homeworld, save for the occasional mob of “tradishunul boys”.

Since refitting the Black Grog, Madkap Ur-Kog Flashmaw (as he is now known) has made a name for himself across orkdom as a figure of insane but jovial chaos. He first came to prominence during his lootings of the Octarius sector and its neighboring regions, earning the respect or anger of many warbosses, as well as the Imperium of Man. Ur-Kog styles himself as a “collector”, and behaves eccentrically even by Freeboota standards, being easily taken by certain obsessions, and commanding a motley band as mad as he is. With the gathering power of WAAAGH! Ghazghkull, Kaptin Flashmaw has decided to throw in his gaudy cap with the Warlord, for a chance at going on the biggest looting spree the galaxy has yet seen.

Behavior

The kultur of the Deff-Flash Raidaz, as Ur-Kog’s Freeboota krew is known, is a bizarre and distinct thing. Many superstitions and curiosities can be traced as holdovers from their tribal roots, influenced by their Kaptin’s own oddities, and the unconventional makeup of the krew, being composed of many different clans of orks, a large proportion of grots, and even a few non-greenskin mercenaries. This mix has inspired an orkoid culture markedly distinct from most others.

Ur-Kog’s madness takes the form of wild mood---swings that can see him go from cruelly ruthless, to jovial even by human standards. The Kaptin’s greatest strength is his ability to inspire loyalty in his krew. He is fond of grand displays of prowess, as well as trying out new “toys” and weapons, and so will reward heavily any boy who distinguishes himself. Ur-Kog claims he has an “eye fer anytin’ orky”, which influences his looting decisions. He has stolen and refitted Imperial walkers, xenos tanks, and even broken deadly creatures like Tyranid bioforms. Many Ogryn mercenaries can be found in his crew, whom Flashmaw seems to like for their brute strength and loyalty. Though happy to get in a good scrap, Ur-Kog’s intense greed influences his decisions more than bloodthirst.

Even before the dawn of technology on Kruzbal, the tribals of the desert wastes were just a step away from becoming full-blown Speed Freekz, with squig-breeding and boar-rearing being major vocations. Nearly all the krew of the Black Grog are members of the Kult of Speed, devoting many hours to tinkering on their kustom bikes and buggies. Many “Old Way” superstitions can still be found amongst the greenskin mechanics, along with nautical traditions from the oceanic tribes, and so Deff-Flash vehicles tend to be outfitted with many trinkets and skulls, designed to make each bike and trakk appear like a living, mechanical beast. This extends to spacecraft and aircraft, as well. Due to the high proportion of grots to be found in the WAAAGH, Meks have an easy time scrounging extra scrap and making repairs, as the tiny greenskins are excellent at crawling into small places – though sometimes a cooked gretchin has to be pulled out of an engine afterwards.

Ur-Kog himself is in possession of two personal bikes, a speed-buggy, a fighta, and a massive command trukk. Though not taken to the field as often, the Black Grog is also home to an arena in which the Kaptin likes to showcase his many other “kollecturz bitz”, including Tyranid beasts, experimental walkers and deff-dreads, Mega-Gladiators, savage muto-wolves, boars, and squiggoths. Even clever orks have trouble determining what Ur-Kog considers “orky”, but the Madkap is very clear that he only collects the orkiest monsters around.

Central to the kultur of the Deff-Flash Raidaz is kwiksilva. Initially a treasure found only on Kruzbal, the clever Meks of Flashmaw’s WAAAGH! have since found ways by greenskin alchemy to refine the substance out of certain high-quality metals, in a process not even fully understood by said Mekboys. Any boy in the mob experienced enough to have bought their first bike likely also has at least one small trinket of kwiksilva on their person. More powerful orkz will have armor, weapons, and even vehicles covered in the alloy, prized for its durability and rust-proof, lucky shine. Nobs may sometimes wear injector-rigs, courtesy of the Painboys, which will fill their veins with liquid metal in the heat of battle. Other boys may inhale the substance as an aerosol spray, dulling their already minute pain-sense and inspiring them to acts of suicidal bravery.

Notable Members

Kaptin Gorn Blast’ead — “Ya fink dere’s nuffin’ left ta take from me? Wrong! Ya just took me patience! And I ain’t got no patience!” — A veteran Freeboota who prowled the inner systems for many a century before a freak post-looting Warp accident waylaid him and his on the dusty world of Kruzbal. A highly ruthless and intelligent ork, Gorn quickly found promise in the savage orks of the planet, using their madness to his advantage as he toppled the raider warbosses one-by-one. Gorn’s preference for encouraging reckless behavior in his warriors would in turn lead to Ur-Kog taking charge, and madness becoming the rule of the day in the Deff-Flash krew.

Madkap Ur-Kog Flashmaw — “I’z so flash ye could melt a humie’s face wif me smile!” — The current Kaptin of the Deff-Flash Raidaz, known as the Madkap Flashmaw. Ur-Kog is renowned across the Five Segmentae as a notorious looter, bloody reaver, and lunatic as far as orks are concerned. Ur-Kog plies the spaceways in his eternal quest to assemble the “orkiest WAAAGH!” around, collecting outcasts and oddballs from across orkdom, hoarding technology, and building a menagerie of the meanest xenos beasts alive. Flashmaw is roundly hated by anyone not a part of his own loyal krew, with many orks finding him weirder than can be tolerated. Still, Ur-Kog has since fallen under the banner of WAAAGH! Ghazghkull, impressed by the power of the Goff Warboss, and happy to take part in a level of carnage the orks haven’t seen in millennia.

Wazzmek — “It’z got flash! It’z got speed! It’z da Morkiest machine you’z eva seen!” — Known only by his title, Wazzmek is the head mekboy of the Raidaz. Touted as one of the best meks in the galaxy, Wazzmek is usually left to his own devices when not working on the Kaptin’s own rides. The Mek is viewed by most with a hefty mix of respect, awe, and fear, as he’s been given free reign by the Madkap to do whatever he pleases in the name of whipping up new and deadly gadgets. Wazzmek is a sight to behold thanks to his many kwiksilva bioniks, which can make him look more like a humie space marine or xenos construct than an average Mek, thanks to the lucky, stainless shine.

Grendus Rendus — "GRENDUUUS!!!” — Ur-Kog’s closest bodyguard, an Ogryn taken from an abandoned prison world in the Segmentum Ultima. Grendus is a scarred old beast, larger than the average ogryn, heavily enhanced with cybernetics, and with a distinct orkiness about him, having sallow skin, big teeth, and a dull fire in his eyes that even Nobs fear. To survive as the personal guard to an ork warboss is no easy task for a mere abhuman, and Grendus is renowned for his foul temper and sheer refusal to die.

Meek da Lukky — “I’z got meself some scrap! Eh? Eh? Happy, Boss?” — Personal gretchin servant to Ur-Kog, and occasionally Wazzmek, though the grot is loath to do anything that puts him in harm’s way more than usual. Meek has served the Kaptin since his pillaging of Greater Octarius, and is noted for the unusual amounts of luck he seems to have, avoiding death and misfortune where many hundreds of grots would have died. Though he hasn’t gotten away completely unscathed, Meek’s done his best to keep the streak going, including bathing himself in lucky blue warpaint.

Organization

The Deff-Flash Raidaz are led by Kaptin Ur-Kog Flashmaw, whose word is final, leading by virtue of his might, cleverness, and massive horde of gubbinz. Immediately beneath him are the veteran oddboys, such as the Chief Mek and his crew, the senior Painboys, Weirdboys, Runtherds, and more. Also included among the Kaptin’s “Best Mates” are his Nobz and bodyguards.

The main mob of the WAAAGH! consist of the many boys and lesser oddboyz of the krew. Generally the first thing on any new boy’s mind is the purchasing of his first bike, which will ensure he has a chance at glory on most any mission. Most of the Black Grog’s krew have an obsession with tinkering, and if not making modifications to their ostentatious and savage vehicles, they’ll be decking themselves and their weapons in fearsome charms meant to help during boarding actions. This culture of eye-catching style seems to make each warrior more reckless, as they feel if they’re going to die, at least they’ll look “flash” doing it.

Distinct amongst ork mobs is the odd makeup of Flashmaw’s krew. Though not the most numerous WAAAGH, the boys are generally quite hearty and wealthy – this is thanks to the disproportionate number of grots the greenskins have found themselves in possession of. Gretchin take care of most minor repairs, menial labor, and food sourcing (sometimes in a direct sense), leaving the Mekz with plenty of assistants and the boys with more free time to spar and tinker. The grot population boom has gotten to the point where it can sometimes be hard to account for all the little buggers, and many areas of the space hulk are even home to pockets of grot “tribes”. Flashmaw nonetheless views this as ideal, as he is also fond of recruiting many oddboys, from Mekz to Madboyz, surrounding himself with greenskins as insane as he is. This has lead to an elite crew that are nonetheless extremely eccentric. In addition to the many beasts and artifacts the Kaptin has collected, Ur-Kog also makes use of Ogryn mercenaries spirited away from lost Imperial prison worlds, who are often rubbed down with green paint, cybernetically enhanced, and used as bodyguards and enforcers more loyal to the Kaptin than even his own Nobs.

Of course, the Deff-Flash Raidaz are diehard devotees of the Kult of Speed, and so any battle plan that can get away with it more often than not includes hordes of bikes, trukks, trakks, tanks, buggies, and jets. Ur-Kog is a flyboy himself, though his need to lead from the front usually sees him taking to a bike or trukk at the head of his mob. Though Ur-Kog prides himself on having at least two of every gubbin, from grot-artillery, to heavy walkers, to Kommando electro-stabbaz, the vast majority of his battle plans prefer a massive armored cavalry charge, with plenty of screaming air-support.

Appearance

Of all the insults and ire laid on Kaptin Flashmaw, his favorites include being called “the most garish being in the galaxy” by an Eldar commander, and making a Blood Axe Warboss’ eyes water. Red features heavily on all Deff-Flash clothes and vehicles, due to the krew’s obsession with speed, and its ability to blend in with the rust so common on “flash-poor” vehicles. In addition to this, black tribal markings, and trinkets made from gold and kwiksilva are used for in abundance. Boys of all stripes will often coat themselves in white and black body paint – a holdover from tribal practices meant to protect against the searing sun of Krusbal, and a signifier of strength. On top of all these colors and baubles, boys will sometimes decorate their vehicles with personal colors and symbols, and all the krew are fond of such decoration, using bones and precious metals to make both themselves and their mounts look as savage and piratical as possible. The resulting mix is an eclectic and indeed eye-watering palette of colors and designs, with bright treasure gleaming against filth and rust, and warriors at once dressed in the tattered remains of the finest clothes they could loot, on top of dusty and oily tribal paint.

Notable Battles

Ransack of Greater Octarius — After refitting what remained of the Black Grog, the newly proclaimed Madkap rallies his first ever spaceborne WAAAGH! to see the galaxy. Not far from the Phalton system lies the Ork Empire of Octarius, where greenskins by the billions waged constant war against numerous threats that had the generosity to assault them on all sides, from within and without. Knowing no allegiance, and itching for adventure, Ur-Kog’s Deff-Flash Raidaz hop from planet to planet at random, fighting anything they encounter, and looting the spoils down to the last rusty nail. It is here that Kaptin Flashmaw’s madness first becomes fully manifest, and his obsession with collecting strange trophies and defining the elite and flamboyant nature of his krew solidifies. By the end of the first WAAAGH! Ur-Kog, the Deff-Flash krew is brimming with oddboys the Madkap took pains to press-gang, in preparation for his next great exploit.

Da Inkredible WAAAGH! — With enough resources to fully realize his wild dreams, Ur-Kog takes to the greater galaxy, moving in an unflagging loop around all five Segmentae. The Madkap’s krew has become much different in makeup that when it started. Where previously there were droves of savage orks lead by insane Nobs, getting by on unpredictability, numbers, and a few unique perks, now there was a full-blown WAAAGH! brimming with vehicles, specialists to maintain the arsenal, mercenaries, and a shocking boom of laborer-grots. The Deff-Flash Raidaz become established as a major force of the Freeboota and Speed Freek ork kulturs, with Ur-Kog’s name being spoken of with bemused respect or bitter irritation by warbosses and other commanders around the galaxy. Ur-Kog makes a habit of indulging in great debauchery, and when not in an active warzone, the krew entertains itself with exotic arena fights, copious amount of grog and chems (including kwiksilva), tinkering on their beloved vehicles, and searching for new opportunities to loot and pillage. Still, Ur-Kog remains restless, in some small way resenting the lack of respect paid by other overlords and bosses, despite his immensely orky WAAAGH! and great trove of loot.

Throwing in Da Kap — Word reaches the Madkap’s ears of a new power rising, with one notable name only being spoken of more and more across the galaxy — Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka. While ever a wildcard at heart, the Kaptin decides that the best new opportunities for loot, recruitment, and carnage lie under the banner of one powerful Goff warboss. Gathering up as many preliminary resources as he can, Ur-Kog seeks out the warlord’s WAAAGH! back in the Octarius system. Ghazghkull accepts the Madkap’s allegiance, though is predictably happy to be rid of the Freeboota once it comes time for the greater WAAAGH! to sally forth. In truth, Ur-Kog cares little for the Goff’s dismissive attitude, as he knows the straightforward nature of such a traditional warboss will make for a disciplined central WAAAGH! — allowing the good Kaptin to continue on with his chaotic pillaging as he wishes, knowing there will always be a great horde to retreat into if ever his victims seek to retaliate. The Deff-Flash Raidaz continue their wild ride, with opportunity fresh in their hungry eyes.

[pierrehardy]

China vs America: Europe will decide

In just half of this wretched year, the world’s trust in China was cut in half. The current and crumbling world order is still American built. Or to be more precise, Western-built with American leadership, founded on principles of a liberal and open society. So what happens when a rival rises up to challengethe leader’s might, who is currently not acting like one? A rival that has a different ideology, at that. You get a quake that threatens to crumble the current world order.

On one side is the champion, America. On the other, the challenger, China. Whoever wins is whoever the rest of the world chooses to side with. I argue that the most significant determinant of that is the world’s old champion who still has considerable sway today, which has at least two of the past world leaders: Europe.

Europe and China

Not too long ago, Europe tried to be the diplomatic best-of-both-worlds kind of mediator between China and America. Europe nurtured its long-founded transatlantic alliance with America and was warm towards a growing China. Then came 2020, where China did a three-hit combo on trust. The first one is China’s repression of the Uighur minority in Xinjiang. This systematic act appalled Europeans due to its genocidal nature. The second was the virus, which originated in China. The country’s first response was to cover it up,  which really doesn’t inspire trust. When they vanquished their second wave, China’s obnoxious trumpeting of triumph and crass jumping at the propaganda opportunity left a bad taste in Europeans’ mouths. The third is China’s blatant breaking of the handover treaty between the UK and China regarding Hong Kong’s promised autonomy until 2047. The passage of the national law went above what’s necessary, violating the treaty, and signaling that China puts self-interest above the rule of law. It’s hard to play with a country that does not play nice and fair.

Then there’s America, escalating its campaign to cripple Huawei. This Huawei kerfuffle is catalyzing the decaying relationship between the West and Europe. Europe was initially not as hostile as America towards Huawei. Take the UK, which tried to integrate Huawei into less sensitive parts of its planned 5G network. UK spooks were assigned to thoroughly investigate Huawei’s kit to ensure that there’s nothing suspicious in it. But it was not reassuring when China failed to make it easier for the experts to examine their kit. Perhaps it was serendipitous for the UK to use the US sanctions against Huawei as an excuse to cancel plans to have them build their 5G network. They argue that the sanctions would make Huawei’s supply chains less dependable, increasing the risk that Huawei cannot deliver on its contract. The perfect excuse. 

But this is much bigger than just Huawei and 5G. The main cost is not delaying the adoption of new and crucial technology but in the decaying relationship that would undoubtedly affect trade and technology (I wrote about that in my last blog). Foreign direct investments from China to the EU have already declined by 69% (nice) from its 2016 peak (Figure 1).

Figure 1 [1] 

What to do with China?

Europe shares America’s ideals, so the obvious answer is that they’ll side with America and squash China, right? Well, that would be reckless and risk tearing the world into two. Remember my last blog’s warning about the seeds of world wars? No, China is a growing country that the West cannot change (though they tried to) and cannot ignore. More sensible is to save the current world order and modify it to accommodate, not suppress, an influential authoritarian country.

Many institutions around the world represent this “world order” I keep babbling about. Still, the main one for this topic is the World Trade Organization (WTO), a necessary but limp and frustrating institution. To be fair, maintaining order in the complex world of international trade is a daunting task, especially in this dog-eat-dog capitalist world that’s efficient but mercilessly self-interested and ruthless. Nonetheless, that’s not to excuse the WTO’s failure to adapt to the digital economy and the rise of a more authoritarian Mr. Xi Jinping. So America’s loss of faith towards the WTO is not without cause, but it’s still wrong to abandon it.

Ultimately, everything I will write here will be easier said than done. But it’s good to have goals. The biggest concern about why the West now wants to have some distance from China is how encroaching China’s government is. They have tentacles attached to every company in China. The West, understandably, do not feel comfortable with the presence of the CCP in their territory masked as a private business. 

While that may sound like forcing China to adapt to how they do it in the West, it is a reasonable need. Especially when there’s no excuse not to do it. Take Unilever, a traditionally Western multinational company that grants autonomy to its subsidiaries around the world. Your local Unilever would be hiring local executives that operate on its own, without fear of foreign government interference.

No matter what solution today’s leaders will develop, its efficacy ultimately falls on its execution. This is where I believe Europe comes in. 

Why does it depend on Europe?

Dealing with China requires the West to act together. America is already one country and one country that clarifies what it wants: not to let China be able to do what America is already doing. Hypocritical, I know, but it doesn’t invalidate the need to address China’s growing ambition and methods that goes against the grain of the predominant ideology. 

While it’s easy to dismiss Europe to follow whatever America decides, that’s just not them. The Europeans are a proud bunch with a history of supremacy (take that positively or negatively, up to you). Europe is America’s friend, but they’re no pushover or slave to it. The EU and America have their own bickering, the most significant of which nowadays is the whole antitrust and tax issues with America’s technology giants, mostly the FAANG (Facebook, Amazon, Apple, Netflix, and Alphabet, aka Google). 

It has been one of Europe’s biggest insecurity of not being able to produce technological giants like America has and hates being dependent on said giants. But this lack of giants is a natural result of the EU’s more robust antitrust regulations, which is the legislation that ensures a healthy amount of competition in the market. This goes straight to the heart of one of the new problems that economists have been grappling with: competition and the digital economy (my specialty, yay!)

So let me give you the basics. The digital economy is unlike the normal economy. It doesn’t follow the same rules. I won’t explain my entire degree here, but I’ll tell you what you need to know in the next six paragraphs. For context, first is the importance of healthy competition to ensure that capitalism serves the people (capitalism is not evil, it just needs to be taken care of. Anybody that vilifies capitalism doesn’t understand it enough. It’s a spectrum, aka countries can be both socialist and capitalist as much as China is both capitalist and authoritarian.) Anyways, competition usually means that there are enough companies in a particular market that compete. The main enemy of antitrust regulators are monopolies, which are companies that are alone in a specific market.

Let’s use an example from the Philippines that I personally witnessed. There used to be two ride-hailing firms back then: Grab and Uber. They weren’t a duopoly because they competed: they kept competing with each other by lowering their prices. Filipinos like me enjoyed the cheap rates and being able to choose the app with superior service. Then came Japan’s Softbank, which has stakes in both, and made Uber sell its PH operations to Grab. After that, suddenly, there was only Grab (or at least the only dominant ride-hailing app at that time). Grab quickly took advantage of this monopolistic position and jacked up its taxi rates into ridiculous heights. Here, the government failed to cultivate healthy competition at the expense of us, the consumers. We lost in this situation because we were left with no other choice but this expensive and, subjectively, inferior product. The underlying message is: competition is great for the people. It gives us excellent prices and quality. Without it, we get the short end of the stick.

The second concept is the digital economy, more specifically, network effects. If you read my last blog, you might be groaning on reading about this again, but I have no choice. It’s prevalent. But if you didn’t read my last blog, don’t worry, I’ll explain it again here. 

The rise of computers upended traditional economics. A quick example is that a car used to have many costs to design, then additional costs to actually make a bunch of it to sell. For software, though, there’s many costs to code a program but costs almost nothing to replicate it. Traditional economics would say that the price of that good is zero dollars, but that’s not right, is it? Pricing code, or ideas, or information, or data, or whatever you want to call this intangible good, is trickier. Data is just a bunch of ones and zeros, but god damn is it a valuable set of ones and zeros. That’s even how you “pay” for free services, right? With your personal data.

Pricing digital goods is one thing, but the focus is in the nature of its value. Digital goods usually exhibit network effects, which means it gets more valuable if it has more users, and subsequently, more data. More data, more input to make the product better. Knead this point another way. It means that the best digital companies have a monopoly, or at least a duo or oligopoly, of the market to suck up all that data for their taking. This implies a complete 180 turn from the whole monopoly-is-evil (it still is) thing. For example, a streaming service is only excellent if it has all the shows, right? It’s pretty shitty to have to subscribe to multiple services just to watch all the shows you like. So for a user, the ideal would be that only one streaming service that has everything. That’s why digital products usually have one or two dominant brands in every field. Streaming? Netflix. Music? Spotify. Online shopping? Amazon. Search? Google. Phones? Apple or Android. The reason why Google Maps is so useful is that everyone uses it and makes it better. The reason why Facebook is (was) engaging is that all your friends are in it. So you get the point: to make tech giants, you need to rethink antitrust regulation. 

Let me make it clear though, this is quite a dilemma for economists. Because while we discovered that digital goods of monopolistic companies benefit consumers the most, it still holds that companies can abuse this dominant position. This winner-takes-all outcome is risky for innovation and for everyone. Currently, we’re still hashing out clear rules and guides on how to balance this delicate tradeoff. We’re not there yet, but it is what it is as of the moment. 

So let’s take it back to Europe. Compared to America, antitrust in Europe is much more robust. Where America only has 4 major (and 2 minor) mobile networks (Verizon, AT&T, T-Mobile, and Sprint), Europe as a whole has 5 major mobile networks but with more than a hundred minor ones. This granted Europeans cheaper data plans than America, and the speed quality is basically the same (Figure 2). Good for European consumers, but not for European telecommunications companies. This same story applies to other industries.

Figure 2 [2] 

So Europe’s lack of tech giants is caused by healthy competition that’s great for its citizens. But this opens up the fear of lagging behind the rest of the advanced world technologically. Can’t have it all, it seems. But here’s where we connect it back to China: since the whole Huawei thing is about 5G, plenty of Europe’s short-term reactions have to do with their insecurities about lagging behind in the 5G arena.

So let’s talk about that. I think my blog is getting too long to explain what 5G is, so I’ll leave that for you to Google or YouTube. But basically, 5G is the next generation of 4G that promises 100 (!!!) times faster than 4G. For ordinary people, you don’t need that much. We’re okay with 4G for our daily needs. But that insane speed would enable the next generation of technology such as the Internet of Things or autonomous driving, which requires the back and forth of enormous amounts of data in real-time. But the more important feature of 5G is its ability to reconfigure the network for tailored needs. Taking advantage of this is still in development, and profitable business models to take leverage of this is yet to be born. So if there’s no big rush, we can hope that other companies can step up, like Nokia, Ericson, or Samsung. Or better yet: open standards regarding 5G could be developed, forgoing the need for proprietary kits.

Another possible good news for European network operators is that this 5G insecurity might be just the thing for European antitrust to acknowledge the need to ease competition requirements for some tech companies. This could allow for European tech giants to sprout, but knowing Europe, this will be heavily deliberated.

So, in short, I would say that there’s no time pressure and rush for adoption. In this part of the equation, Europe can afford to delay its 5G progress and ditch Huawei to make their networks a bit more secure. China’s retaliation, however, is another thing. This brings us to the final point of this write-up and one of the most significant factors affecting how the West will respond to China: Germany. Or, more precisely, Mrs. Angela Merkel.

Merkel and China

To have a unified response to China requires not only transatlantic cooperation but also European cooperation. It’s hard to talk about EU decisions without singling out Germany, especially regarding trade. In general, Mrs. Angela Merkel’s personal political conviction embodies old Europe’s view on China. Mrs. Merkel has always been warm with China and, in its essence, personifies this blog’s proposal to adjust for China. Mrs. Merkel has always wanted to include China into the world stage by wishing for its involvement in matters requiring global cooperation like climate change or writing the rules of governance regarding AI.

Being the economic-minded leader that she is, Mrs. Merkel is well respected and admired by most of us liberal economists. It’s no surprise that under her, Germany is the EU’s economic powerhouse, and it’s also no surprise why she’s cautious with relations with China. The difference between the West’s last superpower rival with differing ideologies, the USSR, is that China is a trade heavyweight. China’s market is vast and lucrative. However, China has also shown too much willingness to bully any country that dare go against it, weaponizing its trade heft to inflict economic damage. Now, if you notice, I keep saying “Mrs. Merkel” instead of “Germany.” This is because a sizable proportion of German politicians and businessmen have been turned off by China nowadays, and views Mrs. Merkel’s caution with China to be subservience to the bully. Even within Mrs. Merkel’s own party, this cowing to China has grown unacceptable, and they have a reason for that.

First, let’s see a snapshot of Germany’s exports (Figure 3). China is Germany’s 3rd largest trading partner. With America and China having a spat, of course, the best thing to do is be friends with everyone. But when it comes down to only choosing one, America would be the bigger trading partner. One thing to note is that most of their exports, which is Germany’s specialty in general, are high value-adding manufacturing products like cars, appliances, and machines.

Figure 3 [3]

Then came Mr. Xi Jinping’s Made in China 2025 initiative. If it wasn’t apparent at first, perhaps when Midea, a Chinese company, acquired Kuka, a German robotics firm, in 2016 was the wake-up call: China is trying to have Germany’s main competitive advantage, by also building to have a high value adding manufacturing industry. This turns China from partner to competitor. 

German businessmen have also been finding China as an unfavorable business partner. Figure 4 shows a survey from the German Chamber of Commerce in China. It shows at least a quarter of companies planning to stop doing business in China. Several reports cite the unacceptable terms that China demands on business partners, most notably in forced technology transfer. It certainly feels less of a partnership and more of an arrangement for taking advantage of. Put this in the context of the Made in China 2025, and this can be a serious threat for German exports.

Figure 4 [4] 

All in all, let’s go back to the point of China’s lucrative market. While it’s easy to see the reason for distancing from China, it’s also worth noting that German companies make a killing in China. Volkswagen earns a whopping 40% of its revenue there.

So cutting relations with China is not the key. Instead, a mere rebalancing is direly needed. Taking it from Thorsten Benner of the Global Public Policy Institute in Berlin, Germany must build a wholly European 5G infrastructure, team up more with countries that share the same ideology (like South Korea or Australia), and advise German companies that they will no longer enjoy the same amount of political cover than before. Time to stop getting played and level things between the two countries.

As trust towards China declines, Chinese diplomats, dubbed the wolf warriors, have been active in a tongue lashing at every criticism. They would always retort that these anti-China sentiments are supposedly rooted in a colonial and racist mentality.  However, it’s undeniable that China also bears a considerable part of the blame for the blossoming mistrust against them. From the way they do business partnerships, to the economic bullying, to the inconsistent transparency on COVID-19 reporting, to the repression of Hong Kongers, to the suppression of Uighurs, to the territorial bullying of neighbors, to the lack of concrete reassurance that they don’t spy with their products, to the inability to take criticism, and others.

No country is perfect (I can list the same amount of American faults). But it’s the number of blunders in such a short amount of time that brought the trust down (people generally have short term memory and attention, but this was just too fast and too furious.) It was a trade-off between taking advantage of a global pandemic and seeming untrustworthy. I trust China to have seen this possibility and took calculated actions. But one doesn’t have to resort to such actions to assert one’s presence in the world stage. Europe tried to be warm to both the East and the West, but everyone has their limits.

References

[1]https://rhg.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/MERICS-Rhodium-Group_COFDI-Update-2020-2.pdf 

[2]https://www.fiercewireless.com/wireless/u-s-mobile-broadband-among-most-expensive-world-new-report-finds 

[3] The Observatory of Economic Complexity: https://oec.world/ 

[4]https://china.ahk.de/fileadmin/AHK_China/Market_Info/Economic_Data/BCS_2019_20.SEC.pdf 

[kweerpop]

Week 8: MASC4FEM4WHTVR

Jason and Ade in The Pass

image source

The Pass is a 2016 film based on a play of the same name. The Pass depicts Jason and Ade, two English aspiring professional football (soccer) players. They are both vying for a spot on a “big-league” team. For those of us who are unfamiliar, British culture uses markedly more homophobic slurs than American, and football culture is riddled with toxic masculinity, amongst other prejudices (racism, misogyny, sexism). 

In the first part of the film, it’s 2006 and Jason and Ade are shown roughhousing in their hotel room in Romania. They watch a homemade sex tape one of their teammates made on a video recorder (shown above). Eventually, after some more homoerotic wrestling, Jason kisses Ade a few times, then leaves the bedroom and goes to shower. The picture fades out.

image source

The next part of the film takes place in 2011 in a more upscale hotel room. We quickly see that Jason is bringing a woman back to his hotel room, a woman with whom he is not in a relationship. Ade is not present. To make a long story short, the audience learns Jason is a well-known professional footballer and the woman is going to record them having sex, without Jason’s knowledge, to sell the tape to tabloids. He figures this out before they are even fully undressed, and an argument ensues. He states that he’s mad because people are making up rumors about him, and he doesn’t want any publicity because he and his wife have split, even though no one knows yet, he doesn’t want anything negative out so his soon-to-be ex could use it as leverage to keep the kids from him.

Right away, the woman calls him out. She says, “Oh my god, you’re gay. You’re gay, aren’t you?” Jason denies it, and says that he’s not gay and to “Look at [him]. [He’s] a footballer” (The Pass). She is surprised he cares and asks him if he knows what year it is, indicating it’s not a big deal. The woman also expresses her disbelief that there are no homosexuals in the sport: “Oh yeah, yeah, ‘cause it’s such a man’s game, isn’t it? All of them buff lads together and no one ever fancies a fuck” (The Pass)? She also says, addressing the rowdy public sex escapades the footballers are known to have, “that’s why you always double up on girls, innit?. . . even the straight lads can’t get a hard-on without another fella in the room” (The Pass). Feigning disgust, Jason goes to list the various endorsements and sponsorships he has: “I’m a fucking role model. Little kids have posters of me on their wall . . . Japanese people drink the same whiskey as me. That’s because of the kind of man I am . . . I ain’t gay. Gay ain’t even an option” (The Pass). This is reflective of the idea that most people, namely straight men, are pretending to be something they are not; they are performing a role, the role of masculine man. He cannot come out as a sports star; it is impossible. 

It’s interesting that the woman in the scene is the one who challenges the notions of traditional sexuality. She is the one who queers what it means to be a man, saying it doesn’t matter that he’s gay; he can still be a famous footballer as he is now.

image source

The third part of the movie, now in an even more upscale hotel room (of Jason’s), takes place in 2016. In this scene, Ade shows up at a shirtless Jason’s room, wherein he’s working out, and they catch up. Jason is a very famous footballer, and Ade is now a successful, but modest, plumber. Jason starts training Ade (working out), and as Ade’s blood starts pumping the shirt comes off. They are sipping whiskey, tonic, etc. while working out (very healthy, yes). Jason then brings up the night in Romania but only refers to it as a “mad night.” Mad in this sense being “crazy” or “wild.” Ade then reveals he has come out and is in a relationship with a man. Jason turns hostile and is apparently jealous, though it appears he doesn’t realize this. The tension in the air is palpable once Ade reveals he’s in a relationship. Jason quickly brings the conversation back to Romania. He is apparently trying to convince himself that what happened wasn’t indicative that his sexuality was “abnormal.” He wants to “mark the occasion” of that night (since it is now 10 years later). The hostility subsides and the shirtless, drunk men start partying together (by attempting to  remove the television from the wall). Fast forward and the men are fighting again; this time Jason is pissed that Ade isn’t playing football anymore (He is clearly just mad because Ade is out and happy and Jason isn’t). A bellboy comes up to drop off a screwdriver that was requested by the men (to remove the TV), some more shady, erotic stuff goes down (not sex), and the bellboy leaves the room soaking wet in his underwear. Jason tells Ade he never called him the last ten years because he didn’t want to be “infected by [Ade’s] failure.” Basically, the entire encounter is hostile, dark, and repressed; this is a great moment to realize this is reflective of the inner world of Jason. Ade leaves. 

Jason starts crying and gets into the shower, just like he did when what could’ve been wasn’t realized ten years prior. The camera zooms into Jason’s face, in the shower, and zooms out and we see Ade in the Romanian hotel room ten years prior. This is now after the fadeout we saw when the first part of the film ended. Ade goes into the bathroom and gets into the shower with Jason. They start kissing (it’s very passionate and romantic). Cut to post-coital snuggling in the bed. This part of the film is full of warmth, love, affection, happiness so directly contrasting the rest of the film. 

images taken by me of the film (from Netflix)

Viewers are shown two men who at first appear traditionally heterosexual. The audience is queered when it is apparent there is a sexual chemistry between the two men. That is soon challenged, though, when Jason is shown about to have sex with a woman (therein lying the quintessential ambiguity of queer cinema). We then learn that Jason is married to a woman, and it is not the woman in the scene. The audience’s fantasy that Jason and Ade would be together is squashed, at least for now. The men are losing to sexual identity politics, because their two intersecting personalities (footballer and gay man) are incompatible. Actually, they probably do not even consider themselves gay, at least during the first part. Again, challenging the notion of masculinity. 

Ade, as an out man, has found happiness in life being out and open. Jason has found fleeting pleasure by pursuing his career goals. For both men, self and career aren’t compatible. The two of them choose either or. What I found very interesting, though, was a reddit post by user overactive-bladder: user writes, “i had my fair share of resentment towards people who tossed me aside like jason did with ade . . . maybe they were ruthless to me because they were busy fighting their own demons. pursuing their own dreams they thought was more important. maybe it really didn't have to do with me” ("The Pass [2016] - This Movie Broke Me : Truefilm"). This post gives a perspective not normally publicized: the compassionate gay man who can empathize with a closeted man struggling to accept his sexuality. There isn’t the normal judgment and hostility that is present in so many conversations revolving around closeted people.

A line from “’The Invention of a People’: Velvet Goldmine and the Unburying of Queer Desire,” a piece of work from Nick Davis, states: “This non-diegetic, fleeting image of homosexual pleasure, mined into existence despite a heavy armada of medical, political and memorial forces that work to oppose it. . . this desiring-image does not romanticise the prospect of gay ‘liberation’ or obviate the continued enormity of those forces that would constrict or even annihilate minority discourses and desires” (98). This perfectly captures the essence of The Pass, in my opinion, because, until the last two minutes of the film, the audience thinks that the relationship never happened. It was always about-to happen, but never could, because of the men’s environments. In reality, this is true, even though they did consulate their relationship. These queer men express themselves in very different ways. One has immense power (Jason), but acting on his sexual power does nothing for him since he is living a lie. His economic power, what one would think would solve his problems, does nothing. The other (Ade), has virtually no power, but has found a genuine life. We are then left wondering “what if?” We’re left wanting more. We’re left ambivalent. We’re left without a real conclusion. V NQC.

image source

[acearohippo]

Why Wash, David, and Agent Washington are all acceptable names

So I’ve been waiting for this moment. For a really long time. So… prepare for a long post under the cut. (Mobile users… sorry. :( I feel your pain.)

There has been a few discussions brought up rather recently about what to call Agent Washington or, rather, what’s acceptable and what isn’t. So, I’m going to throw in my two cents because, seriously, it’s been killing me that no one has thought- or, at least, talked about- this, what I think, crucial point:

Intimacy.

Now, it might not sound like much, but, lisssteeeen, it. Is. Everything.

In the military, people are called by their rank and last name. Nothing against their first name, it’s just the way it is. Now, if you’re a civilian or a Westerner, you might think that it is used to create a gap between military and civilian life. It can be. I will expand a little more on this through this post but, for now, I ask that you civilians and/or Westerners push this idea away for a moment and open yourself up to this: It’s not. See, while a rank and last name is used for professionalism, many of us within the military, see it as something totally normal and casual. We call people by their last names the same way we call people by their first names. It’s not so much that we are trying to “create a gap” between our civilian and military lives, it’s that we are in a different culture. A culture, where calling someone by their first name can be (and is) very off-putting and, in certain cases, pretty damn rude.

Does this sound familiar? It should if any of the fandom is any kind of familiar with name practises in Eastern Asia. Over there, it is downright disrespectful to call anyone by their first name without some form long term connection. They’re also very particular about honourifics and how they are attached to last names, each of them acting as a way to show respect, politeness aaaannnnddd... wait for it… intimacy!

Now, before I really get into my point, let me just clarify that I’m not trying to debunk any already made theories or tell anyone that they’re wrong; I just want to show the other possibilities for future fanfics/fanart! Matter of fact, I quite enjoy a lot of the hypothesis I’ve been seeing- especially any denoting a different “personality” within Wash, because I totally hc him to have some sort of minor split-personality hand-in-hand with PTSD- but I also think that the comfort levels of those he talks to would most definitely dictate how others would call him. Ok, got that out of the way, now for the meat of this post. Brace yourselves.

Opinion: AGENT WASHINGTON IS TOTALLY A-OK BEING CALLED DAVID. It’s his name, who he is, what he’ll go back to. However, what he ISN’T A-OK WITH is people he doesn’t like/doesn’t trust using it!

See, the Director was Wash’s beacon of light, his salvation, his ticket to a better life, protecting people and being the “good guy” that saves the day in the end. He had a tough childhood (I’m pretty sure you have to, at this point, to be part of the Reds and Blues) and he has “anger” issues.

((Quotes are there because, frankly, I believe there’s a better way to describe his “anger” that we’ve yet to find. See, anger issues, is what Carolina and, to a lesser extent, Church have. When they’re pissed, they go off and explode immediately, to whoever and whenever about whatever. Wash doesn’t do that. He just let’s it slide and holds that grudge for eternity until the perfect time to release it shows itself and then he very specifically channels that aggression to the person or persons that sparked his ire. Yeah, he gets frustrated (and his screeches can be heard throughout the lands) but that’s not anger. And there’s a post or story or something out there that’s like “it’s still anger issues” because of how violent he responds, but having “anger issues” isn’t how violent you are, it’s how quick you are and what it takes you to become aggressive. It takes long time and a lot for Wash to do that, but I digress. Getting off topic.))

The Director was supposed to be a man Wash could respect and the Counselor the same, though to a less idol-worship respect. However, when Freelancer was exposed and after what Wash saw and experienced through Epsilon, That trust was destroyed. Demolished. Decimated. Insert as many negative D words as needed, but any intimacy that allowed for Wash to feel comfortable hearing his real name from the Director was squashed. Thus, when Wash became Recovery One, and the Counselor called him by his name, Wash reacted hostilely to it. Wash didn’t abandon his past self; they lost the privilege to use his name.

“But! But! The Triplets!” I hear you say. “Wash told them not to use his name!” Yes, Wash did ask them to not call him by his first name... because he was with top notch agents. In this case, Wash wasn’t asking them to throw away his name, he was asking them to be aware of his new professional promotion. Wash was in the presence of his, stronger, and recent teammates. It’s bad enough that he’s the rookie, but they also take their positions seriously, so if he doesn’t embrace the “agent”, then he won’t be taken seriously. This is akin to trying to maintain a good impression at your job only to get tagged in a rather embarrassing photo by your friends on facebook and struggling to get them to quickly take it down before any of your coworkers see it an alert the boss. We’ve seen how strict and competitive the “single digits” are with each other. Any and all disadvantages of another will be fully taken advantage of in an effort to come out on top. So, Wash wasn’t saying “Don’t use my name anymore” he was saying “Don’t use my name around my new team please”. Because Wash is a professional now, and professionals go by Agent State names.

Alright, so now that I’ve covered the couple of instances Wash asks for his first name to not be used, I can talk about the other name issues, because this intimacy will make more sense if there are people to compare it too.

Agents State Name/ Rank Last Name: Whenever anyone is referred to as one of those, its almost always in a professional setting, such as a debriefing or a reminder of the mission. When it’s not professional, it’s used to signal a shift in tone.

Last names/State names: Like I said, in the military, last names are used just like first names, for all sorts of purposes: Casual, Professional, affectionately, angrily, exasperatedly, etc. Half of my friends call me by my last name, and I them, and while we know each other’s first names, it just feels better to call them by their last names because, believe it or not, they are still the same person, regardless of what they’re called. If you get used to calling someone/being called by a different name, then that just becomes a part of who you are. It’s like a nickname. Yeah it’s not your real name or your full name, but you still answer to it and consider to be as much of your name as your first name is. Same goes for codenames, if you use em long enough.

Agent Washington/Wash/David vs Recovery One: All of these are used depending on trust and comfortness. I think it’s safe to assume that pre PFL Wash probably got called David a lot and was fine by it, which makes sense as pre PFL Wash was a very trusting and gullible rookie. Post PFL Wash doesn’t trust anyone and, as such, there’d be less people he’d allow for first name basis. He doesn’t hate David, there’s just no one who he trusts enough to call him it. However, Recovery One was definitely, without a doubt, a codename for Wash used for the very purpose of dehumanising him. As Recovery One, Wash wasn’t David or Wash. Rarely was he Agent Washington. No, Recovery One was just as much property as the equipment and AI he was ordered to recover and contain. Recovery One was a puppet to be used by PFL, nothing more than a mindless drone controlled by those in higher positions. Easily replaceable, and certainly not unique in anyway. We know South turned out to be Recovery Two, and I have no doubt that there were probably several more Recovery Agents out there, all with various knowledge of any others and various purposes that would affect one another.

Reds and Blues: We rarely hear their first names used by others, except for fleshing out a character:

-“My name is Michael J. Caboose and I. HATE. BABIES!!”

-Tucker’s first name being used to establish he’s black

-Kaikaina proving she and Grif are Hawaiian

-Simmons exemplifying his Dutch Irish genes

-Donut and his personality with a full (and proud) name

Etc. There’s times when Wash calls Tucker by his first name and those times are very much to make Tucker feel discomfort as he and Wash are in no way close enough to refer to each other by first names, especially in high-tension situations.

Felix vs Locus: Ok, so Felix and Locus are examples of codenames taken to become a different person, no doubt. Locus taking his to be more true to his idealistic path of the soldier and Felix because he grew to enjoy his ruthlessness as “Felix”, so they threw away their old selves.

Connie/CT: This is an example of the change of intimacy I’ve been trying to shove into your faces. Wash and CT used to be pretty close, based off of their interactions with the Triplets. However, once CT found out what the director was doing, and once she realised Wash would be of no use to her, she cut off her friendship with them. That’s what that scene was establishing. At the moment in time, it seemed like she was becoming more obsessed with the rankings, and that’s what it was supposed to feel like at the time. However, once it was revealed that she was working as a double agent, that scene was actually her cutting the bond between her and Wash. She never cared about the ranking or keeping face, hence why she was fine with other’s calling her Connie. However, when it was getting close to make-or-break time, and she realised she could trust no one, she started severing ties. See, that scene is way more powerful than what the fandom has taken it to be because CT wasn’t just warning Wash about the inevitable fall of Freelancer: She was warning him that he was no longer on her side of the line. He had to doubly look out because when the shit would finally hit the fan, he would not be able to count on her to help him.

All the Churches: Just… Just all of them. Each name change is partly throwing away the old them, partly bringing in a new personality, partly earning a right to be called “Church”, partly showing different tones, partly reclaiming, just partly everything. This… This I would agree is more accurate for not liking to be called certain names, as they brought back painful memories. And, frankly, Church wanted to be called Church because, at his core, he knew he wasn’t human, but he didn’t want to be seen as a thing. I’m surprised no one else really touches on his sensitivity to being called anything inhuman. I don’t just mean the moments played for laughs, such as when he shot the laser out of his face or when he insisted he was a ghost. No, the AIs were fascinated with human things and human concepts. They all had varying shades of obsessiveness over it. However, Church is unique because he was the closest to human as any of them were, until the torture and splits. But Church, Alpha and Epsilon, absolutely loathed and, probably, feared being dehumanised.

The Meta Vs Maine: Are two very, very different people. The former is a shell of a man run by AIs, the latter the man before the AIs that casually blasts rap music while participating in high stakes mission.

There are several other cases where different names were used to represent different levels of closeness or character/mood shifts. Only few of these were ever used to erase a part of someone’s self. I could go on and on about how much the switches between the names mean so much and are all done to establish more plot devices and that most of the names are very special to those characters and not shameful or painful to them.

Thanks for getting through all of that! Seriously, y’all are troopers! If y’all want to discuss more, please talk to me! I will talk about this topic to the death!

((Also, please excuse any weird grammar... I’ve been typing this since 1 in the morning and it’s been two hours. I don’t remember half of what I wrote. I hope it made sense))

[salty-dracon]

SECRET Agents, Mind Control, and Hypnotism

The idea of “mind control” and “hypnotism” comes up a few times in SECRET Agents. I’m going to take some time to explain the difference, methodology, and the way each is used. This is sci-fi, so maybe not totally factual. 

The main difference between hypnotism and mind control is that hypnotism is closer to the power of suggestion, with a few mechanical tweaks to make it far more powerful. Mind control is the deliberate alteration of someone’s thoughts that involve the restriction of thoughts, not the guiding of them. Mind control often involves special equipment, or in extreme cases, external surgery. 

Hypnotism

Like the suggestion spell in Dungeons and Dragons, hypnotism is an amplified version of suggestion. By asking a target to consider an action, one can make the target complete any action they want. The hypnotizer’s words echo through the target’s mind constantly, even in a target’s dreams. Apart from the command issued to the target, which they obey at all costs (with some exceptions), a hypnotized target can take any action it wishes, though its abilities can be hampered by the side effects of hypnosis.

A hypnotized person displays the following symptoms: 

Constricted pupils

Clumsiness or dizziness

Executive dysfunction

Headaches

Short-term memory loss

Aversion to bright light

(in extreme cases) Seizures, speech impediments

(in some cases) Starvation, dehydration, or exhaustion

(in most cases) Extreme obedience to any order heard during the first day of hypnotism

Hypnotism is only used by one person- Angel. He considers it his strongest power, so he uses it very rarely, but it allows him to influence the people around him. 

Angel’s contact lenses contain small transparent screens that can be turned off and on, but they also contain cameras, color-changing RGB lights (to turn his eyes different colors) and strobe lights. The strobe lights are of particular use when he’s using hypnotism. 

When hypnotizing a victim, he first has to ensure that he and the victim maintain eye contact for the duration of the process. This is the hardest part to achieve, as getting close enough to someone to hypnotize them and have them keep eye contact with him is nearly impossible. He also has to be close enough for the victim to see his eyes. For someone with perfect vision, this is within 3 feet away, and the chance of a successful hypnotism increases the closer his eyes are to the victim’s eyes. Once this requirement is achieved, it is possible to hypnotize the victim. 

After meeting the above requirements, Angel widens his eyes and activates the strobe lights within. To a bystander, the strobe lights appear as a single bright flash of red light, but in reality they are hundreds of flashes of different LEDs, turning off and on so fast that they appear to be one single bright light. It is only the victim that can differentiate the lights. 

The lights flash in a pattern that deliberately confuses the victim’s visual processing, and the frontal lobe for a short amount of time. While the victim is confused, Angel speaks a verbal command to them. The victim is almost guaranteed to obey, or at least keep his words in mind. At the very least, they will echo like a bad memory in the victim’s head for some time. At this point, the victim is under hypnosis.

Angel can use an amplified version of this power to knock someone out, with the risk of blinding them permanently or causing brain damage. Using this on someone particularly weak could kill them. Because of the risks, Angel never uses this power unless absolutely necessary. 

Hypnotism can fail if- the target has a singleminded goal that hypnotism cannot stun them out of, the target is blind or has severely impaired vision, the hypnotism somehow damages the user’s eye, or in rare cases where the target blinks at the wrong time. 

The effects of short-term hypnosis last at least two days, with an average of five. In weaker people, they can last longer. 

Examples of Angel’s hypnotism: 

Angel hypnotizes Kat in SECRET Agents, with the words “I will let you kill whoever you want, if you work with me.” A recent development made Kat an incredibly hostile and angry person, making the hypnotism all the more effective. Kat began working with Angel, killing superheroes and nearly killing her friends, before the other Ducklings neutralized her and brought her back to her senses. Angel’s words continue to ring in her mind at the end of SECRET Agents, driving her to kill him. 

It is implied that Angel hypnotized Kat’s mother in order to isolate and kidnap her. His words are never stated, but as Oliver, he met up with her in a bar and invited her back to his home, where he bound and gagged her. 

Angel attempts to hypnotize Nick after he attempted to kill him, with the words “Everything is as it was before you suspected me. I showed you my back, and it was bare. I am not the Angel.” He intended to erase Nick’s memory, but Nick wore a set of contacts that made him functionally blind. The hypnotism was not effective because of this. 

Mind Control

Mind control is considered in layman’s terms to be an amplified version of hypnotism, but this is not quite true. Mind control specifically suppresses memories to achieve a specific end, which hypnotism cannot do.

A person under mind control displays the following symptoms: 

Frozen pupils (can be constricted, dilated, or normal size)

Blinking every couple of seconds like clockwork

Flat tone of voice

Staggered or methodical movements

Lack of reaction or delayed reaction to basic stimuli (will not dodge a ball thrown at them, for example)

If they are confronted with a suppressed memory, extreme headaches and paranoia

Mind control is used by a number of villains in SECRET Agents, notably Angel, Kronus, and Genetika. 

In general, mind control involves some kind of equipment, such as electrodes. These need to transmit charges to the brain to nullify targeted brainwaves, causing the user to forget certain memories or functions of their brain. 

The most advanced equipment that can be used for this task in SECRET Agents is headphones or electrodes. Genetika’s technology in SECRET Heroes allows equipment to be inserted into the target’s body surgically and controlled remotely. 

Knowledge of the user’s brain is important, so oftentimes mind control equipment has to be customized for the user’s brain. There are one-size-fits-all models for mind control equipment, but they only work on neurotypical individuals. It is not unheard of for mind control equipment to glitch when used on autistic or other neurodivergent individuals. These glitches can have fatal consequences, so great care has to be taken.

Both memories and other motor functions can be selected- for example, one can be mind-controlled to be unable to use their left arm, or mind-controlled to be unable to speak. Motor functions are generally more invasive and result in PTSD, which is why they’re avoided.  

As explained, mind control can fail if the mind control equipment is not in full working order, the target is neurodivergent, the target had brain surgery, or the target has some way to prevent their memories being suppressed. 

Examples of Mind Control: 

Angel’s children are all kept under mind control within his estate. Their memories of home have been suppressed, along with thoughts of rebellion. According to Angel, this keeps them docile and receptive to his commands. The mind control equipment is a set of headphones that transmit charges that nullify targeted brainwaves directly to the child’s brain. Bridget attempts to converse with one and ask about its memories, but causes it to have a seizure. 

Genetika uses temporary mind control on her closest underlings at the end of SECRET Heroes, which thanks to her technological capabilities, altered the transmission of their memories. This turned them into ruthless assassins with absolute loyalty to Genetika and no memory of their ties to any of the main characters. Luckily, the mind control only lasted in the deployed bodies- once they were killed, their memories returned to them. 

Genetika possesses brain-altering technology that she uses to suppress the memories of many “infantry lizards” she uses. Along with suppressing their memories of their past lives (if they weren’t grown in a lab), she also suppresses any notions of disobedience. At the end of SECRET Agents, many of them die due to a loss of body-regulating functions due to Genetika’s memory-linking network collapsing. 

Helion Kronus experiments with mind control during the events of SECRET Agents, especially on animals or lab-grown monsters. He rarely succeeds in creating mind control that works on animals, but he does have a few successes with humans. 

[lbcybersecurity]

Your Holiday Cybersecurity Guide

Many of us are visiting parents/relatives this Thanksgiving/Christmas, and will have an opportunity to help our them with cybersecurity issues. I thought I'd write up a quick guide of the most important things.

1. Stop them from reusing passwords

By far the biggest threat to average people is that they re-use the same password across many websites, so that when one website gets hacked, all their accounts get hacked.

To demonstrate the problem, go to haveibeenpwned.com and enter the email address of your relatives. This will show them a number of sites where their password has already been stolen, like LinkedIn, Adobe, etc. That should convince them of the severity of the problem.

They don't need a separate password for every site. You don't care about the majority of website whether you get hacked. Use a common password for all the meaningless sites. You only need unique passwords for important accounts, like email, Facebook, and Twitter.

Write down passwords and store them in a safe place. Sure, it's a common joke that people in offices write passwords on Post-It notes stuck on their monitors or under their keyboards. This is a common security mistake, but that's only because the office environment is widely accessible. Your home isn't, and there's plenty of places to store written passwords securely, such as in a home safe. Even if it's just a desk drawer, such passwords are safe from hackers, because they aren't on a computer.

Write them down, with pen and paper. Don't put them in a MyPasswords.doc, because when a hacker breaks in, they'll easily find that document and easily hack your accounts.

You might help them out with getting a password manager, or two-factor authentication (2FA). Good 2FA like YubiKey will stop a lot of phishing threats. But this is difficult technology to learn, and of course, you'll be on the hook for support issues, such as when they lose the device. Thus, while 2FA is best, I'm only recommending pen-and-paper to store passwords. (AccessNow has a guide, though I think YubiKey/U2F keys for Facebook and GMail are the best).

2. Lock their phone (passcode, fingerprint, faceprint)

You'll lose your phone at some point. It has the keys all all your accounts, like email and so on. With your email, phones thieves can then reset passwords on all your other accounts. Thus, it's incredibly important to lock the phone.

Apple has made this especially easy with fingerprints (and now faceprints), so there's little excuse not to lock the phone.

Note that Apple iPhones are the most secure. I give my mother my old iPhones so that they will have something secure.

My mom demonstrates a problem you'll have with the older generation: she doesn't reliably have her phone with her, and charged. She's the opposite of my dad who religiously slaved to his phone. Even a small change to make her lock her phone means it'll be even more likely she won't have it with her when you need to call her.

3. WiFi (WPA)

Make sure their home WiFi is WPA encrypted. It probably already is, but it's worthwhile checking.

The password should be written down on the same piece of paper as all the other passwords. This is importance. My parents just moved, Comcast installed a WiFi access point for them, and they promptly lost the piece of paper. When I wanted to debug some thing on their network today, they didn't know the password, and couldn't find the paper. Get that password written down in a place it won't get lost!

Discourage them from extra security features like "SSID hiding" and/or "MAC address filtering". They provide no security benefit, and actually make security worse. It means a phone has to advertise the SSID when away from home, and it makes MAC address randomization harder, both of which allows your privacy to be tracked.

If they have a really old home router, you should probably replace it, or at least update the firmware. A lot of old routers have hacks that allow hackers (like me masscaning the Internet) to easily break in.

4. Ad blockers or Brave

Most of the online tricks that will confuse your older parents will come via advertising, such as popups claiming "You are infected with a virus, click here to clean it". Installing an ad blocker in the browser, such as uBlock Origin, stops most all this nonsense.

For example, here's a screenshot of going to the "Speedtest" website to test the speed of my connection (I took this on the plane on the way home for Thanksgiving). Ignore the error (plane's firewall Speedtest) -- but instead look at the advertising banner across the top of the page insisting you need to download a browser extension. This is tricking you into installing malware -- the ad appears as if it's a message from Speedtest, it's not. Speedtest is just selling advertising and has no clue what the banner says. This sort of thing needs to be blocked -- it fools even the technologically competent.

uBlock Origin for Chrome is the one I use. Another option is to replace their browser with Brave, a browser that blocks ads, but at the same time, allows micropayments to support websites you want to support. I use Brave on my iPhone.

A side benefit of ad blockers or Brave is that web surfing becomes much faster, since you aren't downloading all this advertising. The smallest NYtimes story is 15 megabytes in size due to all the advertisements, for example.

5. Cloud Backups

Do backups, in the cloud. It's a good idea in general, especially with the threat of ransomware these days.

In particular, consider your photos. Over time, they will be lost, because people make no effort to keep track of them. All hard drives will eventually crash, deleting your photos. Sure, a few key ones are backed up on Facebook for life, but the rest aren't.

There are so many excellent online backup services out there, like DropBox and Backblaze. Or, you can use the iCloud feature that Apple provides. My favorite is Microsoft's: I already pay $99 a year for Office 365 subscription, and it comes with 1-terabyte of online storage.

6. Separate email accounts

You should have three email accounts: work, personal, and financial.

First, you really need to separate your work account from personal. The IT department is already getting misdirected emails with your spouse/lover that they don't want to see. Any conflict with your work, such as getting fired, gives your private correspondence to their lawyers.

Second, you need a wholly separate account for financial stuff, like Amazon.com, your bank, PayPal, and so on. That prevents confusion with phishing attacks.

Consider this warning today:

Phishing warning! Fake emails are being sent out pretending to be from the US Postal Service, claiming that you requested your mail be held this week. Don't click on the attachment OR the links.

— Wendy Nather (@wendynather) November 21, 2017

If you had split accounts, you could safely ignore this. The USPS would only your financial email account, which gets no phishing attacks, because it's not widely known. When your receive the phishing attack on your personal email, you ignore it, because you know the USPS doesn't know your personal email account.

Phishing emails are so sophisticated that even experts can't tell the difference. Splitting financial from personal emails makes it so you don't have to tell the difference -- anything financial sent to personal email can safely be ignored.

7. Deauth those apps!

Twitter user @tompcoleman comments that we also need deauth apps.

Social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Google encourage you to enable "apps" that work their platforms, often demanding privileges to generate messages on your behalf. The typical scenario is that you use them only once or twice and forget about them.

A lot of them are hostile. For example, my niece's twitter account would occasional send out advertisements, and she didn't know why. It's because a long time ago, she enabled an app with the permission to send tweets for her. I had to sit down and get rid of most of her apps.

Now would be a good time to go through your relatives Facebook, Twitter, and Google/GMail and disable those apps. Don't be a afraid to be ruthless -- they probably weren't using them anyway. Some will still be necessary. For example, Twitter for iPhone shows up in the list of Twitter apps. The URL for editing these apps for Twitter is https://twitter.com/settings/applications. Google link is here (thanks @spextr). I don't know of simple URLs for Facebook, but you should find it somewhere under privacy/security settings.

8. Up-to-date software? maybe

I put this last because it can be so much work.

You should install the latest OS (Windows 10, macOS High Sierra), and also turn on automatic patching.

But remember it may not be worth the huge effort involved. I want my parents to be secure -- but no so secure I have to deal with issues.

For example, when my parents updated their HP Print software, the icon on the desktop my mom usually uses to scan things in from the printer disappeared, and needed me to spend 15 minutes with her helping find the new way to access the software.

However, I did get my mom a new netbook to travel with instead of the old WinXP one. I want to get her a Chromebook, but she doesn't want one.

For iOS, you can probably make sure their phones have the latest version without having these usability problems.

Conclusion

You can't solve every problem for your relatives, but these are the more critical ones.

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